Three Shades of Pati

Photo by Carmelle Gacasan

I am Pati.

I am the offspring of neglect and apathy,

A restless soul blinded by romantic fallacy,

And a wound that throbs from a sullen tragedy.

I am the spectator of films that persist to unravel within me,

And as soon as darkness began to engulf me,

I met a man by the name Love.

Love was beautiful,

He was exactly the way I wanted him to be.

He was tall, buff and with jaws left chiselled,

Ashen locks that remained unruffled.

He was someone completely foreign,

Yet my body recognized the warmth of his touch.

But despite the familiar musk that filled my nozzle,

Love continued to be a stranger.

Love…was just pretend.

Love used me.

Love confused me,

Love reduced me into the ashes

Of the old flame I once thought was true.

And suddenly, Passion came.

He came like a bullet,

Ricocheting through the walls around me,

Igniting the wick I’ve deprived from fire.

Passion was just as ravishing as Love,

Only, he was different.

Because unlike Love, he took my hands to places

They weren’t meant to reach.

Unlike Love, Passion gave life to something inside of me.

But just like Love, he was a trick I never saw coming.

Then a penchant for more aroused,

I saw Love and Passion in every lad I met.

In every street corner or every bus ride,

Their lies haunted the deepest parts of me.

And soon, Addiction stood before me,

Stretching out his hand like an old friend,

Smiling like he meant no offense,

With eyes piercing through my defense.

Addiction was Love and Passion with a price,

He was the nightmare that crippled my senses.

He was the reason why I keep looking for more,

Searching for something that wasn’t real.

Love was the treasure I almost thought I found,

Passion. The heat to whose skin I was bound.

And Addiction was the delinquent I set loose in me.

I am Pati.

I am Suffering.