Unbearable

Illustration by Zach Borromeo

It was 7:16 p.m. I was drunk and exhausted. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt the Earth’s weight on my body; blood was trickling down my shoulders. I cried for help. I tried to stand but I couldn’t. My legs were weak, as if nails were throbbing through my skin.

“There’s no one who will save you.”

My vision was hazy. There was a girl staring at me, her hair unruly, eyes bloodshot and filled with despair. She came closer, her eyes getting wider as she whispered something.

“Break your head.”

She was breathing on my neck. I was on my bed, kicking and screaming for mercy. All she did was look into me; we did not even touch, but I felt deep, internal pain. Her eyes grew wider, blood coming out of her sockets as she was screeching. My heart was pumping, my head was aching, and I screamed until my voice cracked.

“Say farewell to everything you once cared about.,” she told me again.

I continued crying. I looked at my surroundings, noticed my room was getting smaller. I saw her again, in the corner smiling at me, her bloodshot eyes getting wider. She slowly walked to me as her head tilted further. I tried to run away, but I failed. I looked at my legs and noticed my skin peeling off. Blood was trickling down my feet. I clutched my stomach and cried more. The pain was getting worse.

“NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU!” she screamed as she smiled.

I screamed and cried some more as I was losing breath. I tried to stand up but collapsed. My shoulders and legs were bleeding some more. She was there again, now behind me. Her smile got wider; her cheekbones close to her eye bags. Her eyes rolled back and she started cackling. I was on the floor, crying, feeling hopeless. I could not move, I was bleeding, and no one could save me. She walked up to me. I noticed something different about her; she got bony, her eye sockets got wider and as she smiled, and her teeth became sharper. She looked into my eyes, grabbed my knees and pulled me up. I got to my knees. She disappeared.

I tried to stand, but I still failed. I reached for the bottle of rum next to my drawer and took a last gulp of it. I noticed a plastic bag on the floor and vomited in it. I cried some more and felt like my eyes were being mutilated. The pain was unbearable. I was suffocating. I looked at the plastic bag, and put it on my head, covering my face. I looked up, and I screamed until my voice cracked.

She was there again, looked at me withe her skin withering and her eyes bleeding. She handed me a cord, and smiled at me. I took it and wrapped it around my neck, wrapped it tightly. I pulled the cork so tightly until my neck broke. Blood dripped from my mouth, my skin turned white, and I passed out.

I woke up in front of my bathroom sink, and I washed my face and faced the mirror. I noticed my hair was falling and those eyes, oh those eyes turning red, filled with sorrow and regret. I started laughing, I couldn’t stop myself, I found joy in seeing myself in pain. Torturing myself would be a pleasure. I laughed harder until I punched the mirror, and I smiled when I saw my hands bleed. I was about to give a second blow until someone caught my hand.

There was someone behind my back, her eyes sea-green and hair smooth and black. She smiled at me and took my frail hands. All she did was stare at me.

“There’s no escape”, she told me.

I saw her skin wither, her eyes roll backwards, and her sharp dirty nails clutch onto me. She gave out one painful scream. She smiled at me and stared into my eyes.

I don’t know where I was. My surroundings were cold and eerie. All I had to do from now until eternity was look into at this girl whose smile could never fade, and she would turn to me. I was stuck with the nightmare that always never failed to cause me pain, a figure that carries depression with unbearable pain. Me.