I Wished I Should’ve Not Succumbed To

Illustration by Geralden Morre

I can’t. I shouldn’t.

I had to resist it.

My eyes, tired and weary.

Stay awake, don’t get drowsy.

These words, these sheets.

Confusing, too many.

The clock ticked.

It’s 2 a.m.

There’s more to go

Oh hell no!

I can’t close it.

‘Tis already my fourth cup

The east light was up.

I’m here, can’t stop.

There’s no room for mistakes.

My future is the one at stake.

Sleep can be regained.

High grades will be attained.

This was my routine.

My life I mean.

My caffeine, my books

My laptop, my notebooks,

These were my mates

In the holy hours of all dates

Studious. Industrious.

They all get curious.

I’m “trying-hard”, they say

I don’t mind anyway

I’m obsessed with studying.

Who cares about partying?

But there’s this day,

I couldn’t find my way

I woke up.

Wait, did I just say “I woke up”?

I have slept!

That was sick to the depth.

But no, I haven’t studied yet!

This could not happen.

This I didn’t intend, then.

I shouldn’t have gone to slumber

The notes I had to go over!

Just an hour,

I was still at the first few covers

I’m going crazy

This won’t go easy.

Failing is no option.

I can’t handle this dissatisfaction.

My mind went to burst

That was worst!

I’d no clue.

I was feeling blue.

The equations were floating.

I could touch it.

Amazed. It was flying.

It was going through my brain.

Supposedly, this is my future.

It is in my hands – a picture.

A graduation picture,

I was happy for them.

Yet, I’m here.

Four white walls,

In a white robe.

Tied down.

Can’t move.

The addiction,

I wished I should’ve

— not succumbed to.