My Life is a Joke

Photo by Wednesday Dawn Abelgas

Before you start reading this, know that I’m not as depressed as I sound.

I’m actually a very happy person. I laugh a lot, I have my own hobbies, I have my own friends, and I have my own dreams in life. My parents love me, I’m not out of shape, and I’m doing what I love. You’d think I have it set, and I’m the happiest person in town or at least one of them. That’s how most people see me, at least.

Unfortunately for me, dear reader, my life is an absolute joke. If you’d have me, I’d like to tell you about my troubles, ones that not many people know about. It may not be the most heart-breaking story you’ll read, but I want to vent this out to you. Do hear me out.

First of all, my best friend is a fat, bumbling moron.

Forgive my bluntness, but he is. He comes over every day, asking me to play with him, and most of the time I oblige, but a man can only have so much patience. Don’t get me wrong, I love him like a brother, I really do, but he’s just so unbearably annoying with his fat belly and constant yelling. I’d rather have  him become a recluse living under a rock so he won’t bother me anymore but you have what you get. He asks me to go with him and play, I go with him and play.

Moving on, another annoying person in my life is the absolute sack of words that I can’t even say is my he opposite of the word lovely if I’m being honest. Trying to befriend him is no use. He treats everyone but himself like garbage, thinking he’s somehow at the top of things. He works at the same place I do.

Which is a perfect segue to the next bane of my long, lovely life, my job. I know I said I love my job. I do. However, I still get paid below minimum wage by my cheapskate of a boss. Sometimes he doesn’t pay me at all. He treats his employees in a way that’s not exactly appropriate. His customers, worse so. I think it’s the only thing me and my neighbor agree on — he’s a borderline thief. But I love being a chef, and he’s the only one willing to hire the ever-so-charming me. The things we do for love.

I know I don’t have the brightest outlook in life, from what you’ve read, but I do have a small place of refuge.

My home. A pineapple under the sea.