Food

Photo by Erica Nicole Jabel and Seigfred Teves (contributor)

I am not hungry

But just hearing it

Food, a four-letter word—

An emotional oblivion—

That’s what it is

And I’m addicted to it

Relapse after relapse

Bite after bite

That’s all there is to it

I am not hungry

The thing about binging

The line between “craving” and “obsession” has become blurry

Better than alcohol

Worse than a hangover.

The twitch and kick in my mouth as it starts watering

Wandering to the cupboards of my own nirvana

I am a machine

I am not hungry

But as I wipe off the grease on my mouth

Sucking the dust of my demise off my fingers

As if triumphant over a conquest

The guilt of my gaffe kicks in

I am not hungry

But I can’t help it

And I definitely can’t stop it

This is my “craving”

My own fountain of pleasure

Where I drink off of and feast at to no extent

My own little paradise

I am not hungry

In the back of my head

My state of mind’s trying to pull itself up the surface

But what can I do?

The anxieties, isolation and sense of failure always win

They always win

And they make me feel that I have, too

Lying to my face

I am not hungry

I am tired

I am hungry

And I don’t know how to stop